Humor with John and Sam
by Katherine Janise
Summary: Something I wrote for class… Sam and John explain their adventures with humor.


"Let's fight old man."

The only words I have ever regretted saying in my whole life. I'm just going to go the old fashioned, tacky- since that's what I am… Maybe… I don't know…. Anymore. Hello. My name is John. I am currently residing in a camp somewhere in Texas or New Hampshire, or some other place. Sam says that we've moved to Orlando, but I never trust _her _judgment. Where did that get us last time? And when I say Sam I don't mean Sam as in Sam or Samuel, I mean Sam as in Samantheria. Who comes up with such a dumb name as that?! … She just hit me for that. Oh- and there she goes going on and on about how Samantheria is a name for a goddess and that her mother Hera named her blah-blah-blah... mmhm.. yup… Oh- now she's staring at me now, and three-two-one…

*This mind broadcast has been interrupted and censored due to the fact that Sam's swearing is too much. We'll be right back after the break*

BLEEP

And we're back!

Geez, Sam. Ok! Ok! I get it! Anyway, um, where was I? Oh, yeah! I'm-we're stuck in Orlando because some freak-who I didn't was actually a god thought it would be funny to mess with us. Me- being the big guy- gave into the god's bait and decided to fight him. Little did I know it was my dad, Ares, and after I won, boy, was he mad. You'd think that being his son and all that, that he'd be happy that his son had beaten him or maybe he would've patted me on the back and said that he went "easy on me". I mean what kind of dad decides to- Sam says I'm rambling… Anyway, after the fight dad wasn't too happy, so he banished me, to nowhere and everywhere. Everywhere that had wars and nowhere that had people who would help me, which was pretty easy to do since the world has basically gone to chaos and wars are everywhere. At first I was like a tough guy, you know, the ones in the movies where all they cared about was their "guns" and hot girls, but one look at a dead body with its' organs strewn across the sea had me barfing for days, LIKE A WIMP. But now I'm a tough guy ready to take on any adventure! YEAH, I EAT DEAD GUYS FOR- oh, alright, Sam. She says I'm exaggerating. Puh-lease, I never do that… Sam… why… I AM NOT TALKING LIKE A GIRL.

Sam: Yes, you are.

Oh great, now you can enter my very own mind?!

Sam: I told you Hera had a very special set of skills and why do you think she found Zeus when-

Get out!

Sam: Fine… You're no fun anyway.

Yeah, that's right go make me a sandwich.

Sam: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!

Nothing! Nothing! I swear… Have I told you how beautif-

Sam: Shut it kiss up. Just hurry up and finish the story, or at least start it! Your rambling's getting annoying.

Right. Right. Back to the story now… Did I tell you that, I love you hon-

Sam: Shut up!

Okay… okay.. anyway… um… Well, I travelled like that for a few days… weeks… months.

Sam: Let's try years.

Yeah. Years. And then Sam came in one day and helped me-

Sam: More like I saved you. You were close to death with nothing and then I, the mighty savior, helped you on your feet, taught you how to fight, and gave you food and shelter. So basically, I did all the work and you sat in the tent.

I actually-

Sam: But never without my help.

We're rambling. No one actually explained exactly why we're doing this.

Sam: What? Talking in your head.

Recording… Talking… I don't know wouldn't you record at a time like this… Nevermind. Not important. I'm breaking the curse today. The one that my father placed on me and for the first time in forever, I'm going home. The only place that doesn't have war, Switzerland, that's right, I'm a Switz.

Sam: That's not even a thing.

It's a thing! In my head! We figured it out though. Why I'm always trapped, it's because I haven't made any sacrifices to the gods. All these years and I never thought to seek repentance for that fight. Heck- I could've been stopped from being cursed if I just had some food with me at the fight. I wouldn't have had to fight that man in a mega suit!

Sam: Or the fight in Timbuktu. I do have to day though when you shot that final arrow from 100 miles away between to wooden planks and a lion coming up from behind you, I never thought that you would make it.

Or, remember that time when we faced a whole army together. It seems like all the fighting was from a movie or something. Everything moved so fast, but we moved faster. The knives and the bullets flashed as they whizzed by us. It was like the Matrix! And I walked out unharmed!

Sam: Well, you did.

That's right, and I was worried… You know that right Sam? I did care for you even after that huge fight. And when I saw that bullet pass through you, my heart almost-

Sam: You're getting sappy again. Are you going to break your curse and go home yet?

You're coming aren't you?

Sam: Of course I'm coming, you dope.

Love you too, Sam!

Sam: *nods head* Whatever you say, John… Love you, too.


End file.
